If Nothing Goes Right, Go Left

My Personal Story

Part I

I started The Unshaken Female in 2023 after the bold decision to pave a new pathway in my life away from the status quo. Rebellious by nature, I have always challenged the game of Life simply because mine felt de-railed from the "norm" starting at a young age.

Here is a brief overview of the building blocks and obstacles that led me to who I am today:

As an only "miracle" child, I was given special attention from my parents and extended family ever since I was a baby. Don't get me wrong, this was a great thing, until I realized the show isn't always about me! I essentially had a false perception of reality and was inclined to always be the center of attention no matter where I was!

In grade school during my adolescent years, I felt like an outlier sice blending in was anything but my forte! I was called "weird" along with plenty of other embarrassing (and mean) nicknames at school, making it difficult to find and keep a circle of friends. Academics were secondary for me, because my insecurities of trying to fit in and fears of being bullied were hindering my ability to focus & excel. I was always told by my K-12 teachers that I'm intelligent and well capable of succeeding, but that I am too distracted by my peers. All from laughing out of place, passing notes, and gawking at boys in class, I was sent to the Principal's office one too many times in my days!

With many lessons learned from getting myself into (mild) trouble both at home and at school, I insidentally became good at pushing the boundaries, while somehow managing to get away with it every time.

Nevertheless, I got my high school diploma and was accepted into a reputable pharmacy school in Boston at the age of 18, following my ancestors' footsteps of becoming a pharmacist. At the time, I was grateful to at least have a pre-defined path paved for me, as I was rejected from several other liberal arts schools without any other solid career plan. As soon as I expressed the idea of potentially becoming a pharmacist, my family was enthralled and couldn't be let down at that point. The pressure was real!

Being the late bloomer that I was, I still didn't truly get a grasp of myself as an independent adult until a few years after graduating pharmacy school. During the PharmD program, I was naive and didn't have too many hard responsibilities outside of studying, getting good grades, and working a part-time retail pharmacy job on the weekends to cover my "going out" money and occasional shopping sprees. I was fortunate enough to have ~ 2/3rds of my tuition paid for, along with the cost of housing & food expenses covered for the first 4 years of college, so budgeting was unrealistic and unnecessary to me at the time despite my parents' preaching to do so.

Feeling as "free" as I did while living away from home, I felt somewhat invisible from the real world and became entrenched in my new environment between hyper-focused studying and partying. However, it was also the real world that opened my eyes to new things. For the first time, I felt somewhat "popular" in my small class of pharmacy students, giving me the confidence boost I longed for. I took my academics very seriously this time around, with the help of attention-boosting stimulants I never knew I needed. I was labeled as 'fun' and 'vivacious' while getting good grades, but seriousness was never really my forte either. 

The last two years of my college experience came to a screeching halt when I was forced to move back home and commute into Boston since my family lived not too far away from campus in the suburbs. While these were the two most important years for applying hands-on knowledge and in becoming a professional, I felt set back from the environment that kept me charged through the first four. Having kept the same pharmacy job throughout my college years, I was grandfathered into a future pharmacist position ended up signing onto a contract binding an attractive salary for after graduation. Knowing I already had a career path molded out for me after graduation, I took my last year of pharmacy school (rotations) kind of lightly. Although I have no regrets, this was the start of my adulthood in my early to mid-twenties.

As soon as I graduated in 2015, I knew I needed to move out from my parents home in order to pursue my dreams and not feel hindered. Although it would have been the smarter decision & more humbling to live home and put all my money towards my student loans, I decided to take the hit to my new stipend and move into a new apartment complex in an up & coming neighborhood not too far away. My eyes were definitely bigger than my stomach and my wallet for that matter! I still had a big student loan bill due every month but consolidated it to lower monthly payments over a longer span just to be able to maximize my spending money. Not too long after, my credit card bills started snowballing and I was finally coming to the harsh reality that even with a high paying job, I was accumulating debt that I couldn't pay off.

What felt like an inevitable & vicious cycle of working full time at a retail corporation just to pay off mountains of debt was slowly eating away at me. At the time, I refused to sacrifice my expensive taste of living in luxury rental apartments, leasing new foreign cars, and filling my closet with unnecessary items which only made the problem worse. Why, you ask? My discretionary spending gave me instant gratification to offset the stress from work. I felt fabulous on the outer shell, and I wasn't going to give that up.

Just about a year after living on my own, I became even more insecure of myself from isolating and avoiding more social events than before. The initial exuberance faded and it started feeling anti-climactic and lonesome. My apartment felt like my safe haven and I loved to decorate, making it a creative canvas to express myself. I utilized my iPad as a drawing pad for my thoughts and practiced my calligraphy by writing inspirational sayings on it. I was essentially living two different lives- one on the outside to maintain a professional reputation, and one on the inside that felt like an escape route to cope with myself. As a healthcare professional, I doubted I needed any help and felt immune by taking my prescribed stimulants. I knew I wasn't being good to myself but was too embarrassed to admit that I was struggling and just kept chugging along to mask my problems.

Along with some other personal dilemmas and relationship issues, these unruly circumstances weren't going to cut it for me without having a near end in sight! I researched ways I could accumulate wealth after giving up on a costly financial advisor who wasn't looking out for my best interest. At the time, any money I tried to save in the investment brokerage account became necessary to make a minimum payment on a credit card so it was pointless to "sock away" hundreds of dollars each month that I didn't have. I also hated how basic and boring the principal of long-term investing was without knowing whats happening to your money under the surface.

Serendipitously, in 2017 I stumbled upon an ad for an attractive personal finance app promising to "micro-invest" the spare change from my everyday transactions into an investment portfolio behind the scenes. Though they would be fractional shares, the idea of watching a seed accumulate into a tree without any burden to my wallet sounded like a win-win. For a flat miniscule monthly fee, I was willing to give it a try although I knew it would take years to notice anything substantial. As it turned out, this user friendly and educational fintech app was the unforgettable tipping point for my journey off the beaten path.

Not only was I investing the "scraps" of my everyday purchases, but this new app was user friendly, educational, AND motivating enough where I was eager to understand it further and invest additional recurring money on top of the spare change. This gave me a sense of power (although small) and I knew I was taking control of my own destiny slowly but surely.

Over the next few years leading up to 2020, I came to the realization that I had become comfortable with the uncomfortable after tolerating the lifestyle I set myself up with year after year. My financial literacy improved and I was becomming savvier with my money in other ways. I became a master at consolidating and refinancing my debt to allow more flexibility in my bandwith. I was happier at work and was able to secure a few promotional roles between the locations I was assigned to. Things were actually coming together beautifully! Paying top rent in a thriving community was challenging but was totally worth it from my perspective. From the priceless lifelong friendships that were formed, but because those years resembled the coming together of my best self in tangent with the developing community that was undergoing construction.

In late 2020 with the help of my parents, I was able to buy a condo in the town over which turned out to be one of the best times to lock-in a low interest rate on my mortgage. To this day, I've been living solo in my humble abode with two cats that I adopted during the pandemic to keep me company.

Self-realization isn't recognized until it's actually realized! Understanding your true purpose is a trait that comes with wisdom and self-awareness overtime. Don't compare yourself to others, and don't let peers distract you from your future accomplishments!

Part II coming soon!

XO Hope